i actually have another blog somewhere which is more public, but i dont want anyone i know to know my thoughts and how desolate i have become.

there is someone i love who does not love me anymore. he keeps seeing me but he doesnt know what he wants...i know..how typical. but i dont know what to do. i feel so much potential for happiness if only he would love me back. we planned our lives together at one point and now each time he walks away i feel so empty and hurt and lost.

he has nothing invested in this and for me, i cant walk away. i tried so many times. but i cant.

i am so weak and so stupid.

i wish i had a family to depend on...i wish i had someone who can say to me that i am worth loving.

i truly do not believe that any one loves me for who i am.

i feel so alone in this world and more and more i just want to give up. i feel like i wasted my whole life and i am destined to be alone.

i cant bear being alone anymore. i cant bear life if this is all i can have.

i want so much...a family of my own...someone who i can love and who loves me back. just those simple things that were taken away from me when i was young that everybody seems to take for granted.

i dont want to live like this. i dont want to live anymore. i cant. i just cant do it.

i dont know what i did wrong. i dont know how to stop the pain. i feel like life is for other people and that the things i want i can never have. so many times i tried. and every time i was let down and disappointed.

i cant take it anymore.

i want to die.